Saturday, August 23, 2008

Shadowing the fear…

He feels she could fill the empty space in her life. She would care for him more than anyone else. She could be everything that he had wished for. A bubbly friend. His love. The one he had waited his whole life for. Smart. Intelligent. Cute. Adorable. Loveable. He tosses these words in his mind whenever he thinks of her. And of all. Absorbing!

Yes he feels like he is been caught inside a hurricane. A hurricane. It takes him somewhere and whirls him around unaware of his life’s pace. He knew it before he could give himself a chance to feel it. He had melted in love.

He gazed at her tenderly. ‘I love you, Sheryl! He blurted out long before he could think of a better way of announcing this. Everyone who had come to drain their spirits in the exuberant ambience in the Thirteenth floor of the wonder city gaped at him. He tousled his shirt further because he just could not keep away from grasping the cuff of his much-loved best shirt. Well now this is occasional wear. Looking good becomes mandatory to him only to impress the best people in his life. Apparently till date other than his mom only this ‘killer smile’ lady. He wished she would say something.

She erected her back once again and took a deep breath. Got up. Smiled once. Smiled again. She felt that the haunting clown inside her has come out to show faces at the world and humiliate her. She walked with progressive steps coming in terms with her mind’s claim that the earth has laid a red carpet, one of red which reflected pain. Maybe he loved her a lot. But what could she do! She liked him. But that was not love.

She closed her eyes tight. She wanted to weep because she hated loneliness. But never for the sake of a feeling. Feelings trap. They conquer. Now what more could she ask for. There is this guy who wants her more than anything. He wants her to fill his life with love. He wants to do everything to see that she is happy. He wants only her and nothing else in his life. Cause she is the only reason for his happiness.

But then what does she want. She wants someone who has everything to be happy about. And has everything he has asked for. To be a part of it. And let her be the most beautiful part of his life. She does not want to be reason for his happiness. But be a part of it.

Was she being selfish? Or just trying hard to over-react? She dint know!

But then what is long lost. Forgotten? She was not absolutely sure about the feeling. Did it exist?

Something was eating her heart out.

She gazed at the pendulum of life. There only twice do both hands of the clock come together in a day.

Once it has. Twice it may. But then life’s understanding differs without a reason!

She reached her house. She unlocked the door which refused to open as though she was an enemy long forgotten who turned up in an earnest hour of a sleepy night. Push. Lean. And then her hands slipped. The dumb lot of beer that she gulped down her belly, on her way back home sure does a hopeless cute trick. It just makes her feel like her brain is puking sense. Probably loads of it. And alas! She crawled to a corner of her room. She sat there for a long time. She knew it is not going to end.

The darkness.

Nothing could make a difference. And there again she stared into it.The dark empty side of her life. There she can see thoughts unwind without a reason. Those which could be somebody else's truth. Evermore! Never hers!


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murali said...


Lolo said...

nice! there is a lot of poetry in your prose. makes a little hard to understand, but good nonetheless! :D